My husband

My husband has been feeling sick for awhile now. I started looking for a new doctor but guess what- couldn't find one I liked! So we went back to the old doctor and my husband explained his problems. He has had stomach pains and headaches and TERRIBLE heartburn. She was feeling his neck and felt something on his thyroid. So she ordered an ultra sound of it- turns out there's a nodule in it- and the nodule has blood vessels. What does this mean? Cancer. Not DEFINITELY- but it sounds like most likely. So- all my husband can think of is his father- who died in October of lung cancer. He automatically assumes this is a death sentence- and I am scared too. I cannot be a widow in my 20's - and worst of all I cannot lose the love of my life. I would be nothing without him.

So then last night I was looking through some pictures and found a folder on the computer that I remembered he had made- which contained a couple of things that my husband wrote when we were engaged- while I was on vacation. They were about his ex-wife. The way he writes about her makes me think he loved her in a way that he could never love me. And I just wish he could love me like that. I think he is just with me because I gave him the attention he deserves, and because I gave him a beautiful child.

Lately he hasn't been able to orgasm during sex. We have had sex three times and he can't orgasm- so we end up not having sex and haven't had sex in WEEKS. Sex was one thing that brought us together- we both LOVE it. Then I realized he has been taking his glasses off during sex. THEN I go upstairs into his office and find out he's been watching porn and jerking off- and orgasming. So now I think he just doesn't like having sex with ME, which goes back to what he wrote about his ex. He wrote about the way her skin turns red from her chest to her neck when she orgasms. I don't even think he looks at me that closely during sex.

I am so depressed. I love my husband so much.