Mozilla Half Naked Women

So my husband changed his theme on Mozilla to a half naked woman with big breasts. I got pissed at the sight and asked him to change it. Of course he refused. Since I don't have the same version of Mozilla I just searched for a naked man on google and made it my desktop. He just laughed. Why doesn't this bother him like it bothers me? He's watched porn- so have I- and I don't care about this. But for some reason this half naked woman on his stupid Mozilla really pisses me off. I could punch him. Instead I make jokes about how much bigger this man's penis is that I have on my desktop than my husbands- again he laughs. UGH.. Men..

My son got to play in the pool today!

There was a great deal at the store- 10 bucks for an animal shaped pool that was the perfect size for our little one. My husband asked if he could pick the animal- he picked the alligator.

I went to set it up today and I see on the box that it says it's not to be used with children under the age of 2. Of course my son is 6 months so I thought for a minute about it. But I was sure it was only because there are unfortunately stupid people in the world who would leave their baby in the pool, or people who don't realize how fast little ones move, and they would let go or turn their backs for just a second- and the baby could drown. I knew I would be sitting in the pool with my son and holding him the whole time so there was no worry.

My son LOVED it. He splished and splashed ALL over! Giggling and smiling the whole time! It was definitely a good choice! So far it has been a great start to the upcoming summer! WOO HOO! HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!!

Desilu Playhouse

Today the family went to the Desilu Playhouse in Jamestown, New York. We all just got in the car and drove- and that is where we ended up. A wonderful surprise for sure!

It wasn't a HUGE museum but there were some sets (their bedroom, living room, a suite) And they had the set of the Vitameatavegamin commercial and a tv that you could stand in front of and act out the commercial. They had the script up and everything! It was great! Well worth the 2 hour drive! Too bad we couldn't take any pictures- it would have been wonderful to take pictures of the set and everything!

Naps

My son has always slept well at night. From a month old he was sleeping through the night. He never napped well though. At most he would take a 30 min nap during the day and then maybe a couple other times he would nap for 15 min or so.

I was slightly concerned to begin with and I was going to try to put him on a schedule. But I did a bunch of research, as usual, and came to the conclusion that forcing him on a schedule was not wise. If he was tired, he would sleep.

He is 6 months old now, and still no naps. He still sleeps well through the night. He usually goes to sleep around 9:30 or 10 PM and sleeps until 7:30 in the morning. And then- a couple 15 min naps during the day.

Until now he has remained wonderful. But now the weather is hot- and I think that is making him a bit crabby. Tonight was a battle trying to get him to sleep- he fussed and fussed, but then finally went to sleep.

I can't complain though- because he is a wonderful baby- and I just know that my next baby (if we decide to have one) won't be so good. Because you just don't get this lucky twice.

I love you....

My son said it tonight- at 6 months old! Okay, maybe it wasn't I love you- but it sure as hell sounded like it. So much so that mine and my husbands eyes popped out of our heads and then we both started crying- any my husband NEVER cries. Is it possible? Well you can tell me it isn't all you want but I know what I heard.

I only wish it had been one of those times that we were recording him or something. So EVERYONE could hear it and say our little boy is a genious who can't say mama or dada.. but says I love you. (He actually does make both those sounds but its mumm mumm.. and actually dada he doesn't really do too often. Anyhow.. I am heading to bed for the night.

The Biggest Loser

It really makes me want to lose weight. I want to start doing something because I know I am so much bigger than I want to be. I want to start something on my own- and just DO IT. I always tell myself this and it just doesn't happen. It's always- TOMORROW! Well this time I mean it- TOMORROW I am going to start working out. PERIOD.

Day Dreaming

I have been talking to a friend of my husbands a lot lately. He is.. an interesting character. I have only met him once, but he is a musician and I listen to his music often. He is so talented and I wish I could help him in some way. I do try- I post links to his songs and the place to purchase his music on my FB but I don't know if anyone notices or cares.

Anyhow- I had a dream about him- a sex dream of course. What other kind of dreams do I have? Well- sometimes scary chasing nightmares, but other than that- it's usually about sex. Anyhow- this friend- he has been writing explanations to his song lyrics and one of them is that people never marry they can tell the most intimate details to. You settle to have children and a life with- instead of someone you can tell anything to. Anyhow- I think I am heading to bed for the night. Still have no followers- I hope to have some soon! I need some comments on my thoughts!

Family Gathering!

It's shocking- the family actually got ALONG today! It was so nice- since my BIL and SIL have not spoken to any of us since before Easter. And of course it was over something political. But today was nice. It was my SIL's boyfriend's birthday. YAY for him. (I don't like him- he is pretty much a sexist pig- and I am quite the feminist. So his comments piss me off. Not to mention he doesn't deserve my SIL but she is so desperate to finally have someone in her life that she is settling.

Anyhow- it was nice to see everyone agian, and hopefully we do it again soon, although I am not the biggest fan of leaving the house.

(I say that because I HATE bottle feeding, and I know when I breastfeed in front of my husbands family they are thinking "she is STILL doing that!?) Okay, maybe I don't KNOW that, but it's how I feel.

Do I change the subject too much?

Probably?

Sex

I think I am the only woman who misses sex when I don't get it? Maybe it's my age but I have always felt like I am ALWAYS horny and I have no problem discussing it. Is it just that other women don't want to admit that they are horny and they want to play up to the stereotype that they "are too tired" for sex, even if they are really craving it? Or am I just one in a million?

Sex after the baby has been a bit different. The baby sleeps in bed with us so no more sex in bed. So we put him to bed at night and then we can have sex. The 6 weeks I had to wait after having my son was HELL. Even though I was busy as could be all I could think about was counting down the days until I could have sex again!

Now my husband and I have sex something like 4-5 times a week- and I wish it could be more! My husband told me that he wasn't happy about how little sex he got when he was with his ex-wife. But NOW- I feel like he would rather not have sex with me sometimes? Is it me?

In case you're wondering- I am VERY insecure.

Another fight..

We are not the only couple the fights- but we have been fighting a lot lately

Today it was about going to my sister-in-laws house for a birthday party tomorrow. My SIL is a smoker- and her house smells of smoke, and the last time we were there she was considerate enough to go into another room but you could still smell the smoke and I told my husband I wanted to leave and my husband said that we "couldn't eat and run" so we stayed and I was uncomfortable and my son was VERY crabby (which I think was due to the smoke) although my husband disagrees!

I told him I would only go to the party tomorrow if he asked his sister to smoke outside. The party is tomorrow at 2 PM. It is 9:52 PM the day before- and he has not called. Am I being a bitch?? I only want what is best for my son. Yes I realize that it will only be for a little while, but every little smoke that he inhales causes him harm. I don't care if it never shows up as something that really effects him (something that shows)- it has a small amount of effect and I don't want to put my son through that.

Web Page Design

You know how sometimes you take classes (especially geometry) and think "I'm never gonna use this shit" Well I took a class in college- web design or something. I did terrible in the class and didn't expect to take much away from it. Well guess what! I remembered some things from it! I know- amazing right? It helped a lot in creating this blog! I feel like I actually know how to do something that I never expected to know how to do. I am taking on this new project and feeling great about it! WOW! This is a first!

New to blogging

I suppose it maybe obvious- I am new to this. I spent the entire day trying to make this my perfect blog. It is my new little project- I hope you enjoy!

Routine Infant Circumcision

It's WRONG. I got in a huge argument with some family members over this. I tried to be nice about it and say "When you guys made your decisions you didn't have as much access to the facts as I do." But no- they continued to attack me and tell me I was being condescending because I posted something that was posted from a group I belong to called "Intact America" This was the post:

"Intact America believes ALL babies are entitled to the intact bodies they were born with, regardless of culture, religion, or parental preference. FGM and MGM are not medically necessary, and no one -- not the AAP, the CDC, or anyone else -- should recommend that pediatricians cut the genitals of babies who cannot consent."

I agree with it. And if you do the research on circumcision then you would agree too. Doctors lie because they get money for it- and people are stupid. They will follow whatever they think the "norm" is. It makes me so angry! People trust their doctors SO much- when all the doctor cares about is how much money he can make. Now maybe there are doctors that actually care- but I think they are few and far between. 


Here are some websites that will give you some information on circumcision:
http://www.eskimo.com/~gburlin/mgm/facts.html
http://www.cirp.org/pages/parents/FAQ/
http://www.nocirc.org/

The biggest thing about the argument was that my aunt called me a "little girl" and told me that I need a "reality check" because I said I could change the world.

Obviously I am not going to be president, but how dare her! I can change the world one person at a fucking time! 

Anyhow- My family (husband and son) was going to head back to Washington State (where I am from, and my whole family still is) to visit everyone (including my aunt) But my husband and I have been talking for awhile and were thinking about canceling the trip because my husband wants to change his career path. This will mean he will not have been working at the new job very long and then asking for vacation time. Then this whole blow up happened with my aunt (and I have had other arguments with an uncle who told my brother and I both to "fuck off") which pushed me over the edge to decide we shouldn't make the trip. 

I told my parents that we would pay for them to fly out here (New York State) and visit us. They said they would not and were extremely pissed that I had decided not to come out and my brother was pissed off too. WHAT THE FUCK!?! How many times do I have to say that the arguments are not the ONLY reason we are not coming back to visit! 

Now I feel guilted into still visiting. What the hell do I do? Do what I want to? Or be a good sport and visit? Ugh..  I wish Blogger came with answers.. Maybe I need some readers and then I would get some outside opinions...

6 Month Picture Session.....

Went not so well. My son has ALWAYS been the most smiley baby you have ever met! Until..... TONIGHT! We go to take pictures and I swear to GOD you would think he was abused or something! He REFUSED TO SMILE! Until......

HE WAS GETTING PICTURES TAKEN BY HIMSELF!

It was like he was on a smile strike.. A FUCKING SMILE STRIKE!!! Because we did the family photos first- he said- "THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME! NO SMILES UNTIL I GET MY OWN PICTURES TAKEN!!!" Because as soon as he was by himself- he smiled it up! So we took a couple family pictures afterward.

Silly boy. I love him. He makes my life worth living!

6 Month Pictures Today!

Today we are getting my son's 6 month pictures done! I had to go today and buy him a cute outfit. Of course it wasn't that I wanted- but it will work. He will look plenty cute- because he looks cute in EVERYTHING!

Today will be a busy day! Baths and shopping! Hopefully the new outfit fits!

Big blow up

I hate formula- more than anything. My husband knows this. This morning he decided he would sit above my son while he was eating his formula and say, "Isn't that so yummy!!!" I turned to my husband and said "No, it's not!" So he repeated it was, and I repeated it was not.

So then we got into an argument about telling our son that his food wasn't yummy. I told him, if he had not said it was yummy to begin with, I wouldn't have had to say that it wasn't. And it went back and forth.

Then I broke down in tears- as I do many days- this time it was in front of my husband- which is not typical. I asked him why he never said that it was yummy when my son was breastfeeding. He had no answer. Of course this is what was truly bothering me. Not that he was calling the formula yummy but that he would never say my breastmilk was.

He does not understand my pain. He thinks he does- but he doesn't. And I can't explain it. He can tell me all he wants to that it isn't my fault and that I've done all I can to try and fix it- but it doesn't change how I feel inside. I think about it 24 hours a day.  It makes me not want to have another child. Not knowing if I could exclusively breastfeed the next baby scares me.

Starting Solids

After a lot of research, and hearing different things from every different corner- we finally decided to start. My son was starting to become interested while we ate, and would open his mouth for food, so we went for it. We started with a tablespoon of rice cereal when he was about 6 months old. A few days later we added another tablespoon, and then a week later we added another, and we have left it at 3 now because he hasn't expressed much interest in increasing.

We feed him two times a day, after his second feeding, and before his last feeding. He opens his mouth right up for the food and we have not had any problems. He seems to enjoy it! We are going to be waiting a bit longer before introducing any fruits or veggies. I need to do a bit of research to decide what kind of veggies to start with.

What bothered me most is that my doctor was telling me to start at 4 months when I had read everywhere that you shouldn't start before 6 months. I ignored my doctors- and waited until I was comfortable starting. I think that is the most important thing. Doctors think they know best- but Mother's truly do.

Breastfeeding

I remember sitting in my Prepared Childbirth Class and the teacher asked what our biggest fears were, other than the pain of labor. The pain of labor wasn't even a fear I had- I knew it was going to hurt and I was prepared. I was afraid that I would have problems breastfeeding. It was like I could see in the future and I knew it was going to be a problem.

My breasts never changed during pregnancy. I was a little worried. Then I never felt "full" after I had the baby. Less than a month after I had my son, he continued losing weight, and my doctor had me supplement him with formula. My doctor put me on Reglan and I pumped my heart out! Still no increase in milk supply.

After a month on Reglan, and it not working, I stopped taking it, especially after seeing it on a lawyer commercial. So then I tried Fenugreek, and Mother's Milk tea. Still nothing. Of course I was drinking a TON of water, and doing everything I could to try and increase my supply.

Day after day I cried. My husband doesn't understand and just tells me to stop crying. So instead I wait until he leaves for work, or until he falls asleep at night, and then I cry. I cry less now, and it helps to know that I am doing everything I can, and I tried everything I could to increase my supply and nothing has worked, but it still hurts.

I know what is best for my baby and I can't produce it. It is embarrassing to me to use a bottle in public. Most women are embarrassed to breastfeed in public, I am embarrassed to bottle feed.

Worst of all I have no support here. Almost everyone here has bottle fed by choice. I'm sure most of them wonder why I don't just stop breastfeeding. I want to breastfeed my son for at least a year because I want him to get as much breastmilk as possible. I love him so much and I feel as if I have let him down. A lot of times I feel like my husband doesn't support me either. I know he loves me and I love him but he just can't seem to understand. He wants to go out without the baby or when we are out he wants me to just give the baby a bottle. He doesn't want me to breastfeed in public because he is afraid someone will SAY something. And I don't want to bottle feed in public because I am afraid someone will say something. :(

I have done some more research and found out my doc should have had blood tests done on me to find a reason why my milk supply is low. I am looking for a new doc now and hopefully I can find a reason and maybe fix this. My son deserves better than that formula crap. :(

The first 6 months

Well my son is now 6 months old. I have been EXTREMELY lucky because my son is such a wonderful baby so far.

There have been several issues we have had though. Starting with the birth- two days of induction and then ending with a c-section. I know this wouldn't have happened if I had a homebirth- which is truly what I wanted, but my husband insisted we go to the hospital because he was scared something might go wrong. Our next baby we will be attempting a VBAC- which will be a whole new world of research.

Then my biggest fear- problems with breastfeeding. After a month of my breasts STILL not feeling full- the doctor decided it was time to supplement as my son continued to lose weight. I was depressed, and still feel that I have done wrong for my child. Having breastfeeding problems was my biggest fear- and I am facing it every day. But I am going to save more rambling on breastfeeding for another entry.

So far my son has rolled over from tummy to back, and back to tummy, back to tummy, he's sitting up pretty well, and has started to get his front bottom two teeth. He is starting to say "moommm" and likes to shriek!

In the first month he was already sleeping pretty much through the night. We are co-sleeping, and loving it. At first we were sleeping with him between my husband and I- but then my husband decided that he missed us cuddling at night- so now my son sleeps next to me.

My son loves to make faces, especially now that he can feel his teeth coming in. He chews on his lips and makes smacking noises. He is constantly lifting his eyebrows- or raising one eyebrow. It is just adorable.

All in all I am happy to be a mommy, and love exploring my new world! We started rice cereal at six months! He is just growing up too soon!