Big blow up

I hate formula- more than anything. My husband knows this. This morning he decided he would sit above my son while he was eating his formula and say, "Isn't that so yummy!!!" I turned to my husband and said "No, it's not!" So he repeated it was, and I repeated it was not.

So then we got into an argument about telling our son that his food wasn't yummy. I told him, if he had not said it was yummy to begin with, I wouldn't have had to say that it wasn't. And it went back and forth.

Then I broke down in tears- as I do many days- this time it was in front of my husband- which is not typical. I asked him why he never said that it was yummy when my son was breastfeeding. He had no answer. Of course this is what was truly bothering me. Not that he was calling the formula yummy but that he would never say my breastmilk was.

He does not understand my pain. He thinks he does- but he doesn't. And I can't explain it. He can tell me all he wants to that it isn't my fault and that I've done all I can to try and fix it- but it doesn't change how I feel inside. I think about it 24 hours a day.  It makes me not want to have another child. Not knowing if I could exclusively breastfeed the next baby scares me.