Breastfeeding

I remember sitting in my Prepared Childbirth Class and the teacher asked what our biggest fears were, other than the pain of labor. The pain of labor wasn't even a fear I had- I knew it was going to hurt and I was prepared. I was afraid that I would have problems breastfeeding. It was like I could see in the future and I knew it was going to be a problem.

My breasts never changed during pregnancy. I was a little worried. Then I never felt "full" after I had the baby. Less than a month after I had my son, he continued losing weight, and my doctor had me supplement him with formula. My doctor put me on Reglan and I pumped my heart out! Still no increase in milk supply.

After a month on Reglan, and it not working, I stopped taking it, especially after seeing it on a lawyer commercial. So then I tried Fenugreek, and Mother's Milk tea. Still nothing. Of course I was drinking a TON of water, and doing everything I could to try and increase my supply.

Day after day I cried. My husband doesn't understand and just tells me to stop crying. So instead I wait until he leaves for work, or until he falls asleep at night, and then I cry. I cry less now, and it helps to know that I am doing everything I can, and I tried everything I could to increase my supply and nothing has worked, but it still hurts.

I know what is best for my baby and I can't produce it. It is embarrassing to me to use a bottle in public. Most women are embarrassed to breastfeed in public, I am embarrassed to bottle feed.

Worst of all I have no support here. Almost everyone here has bottle fed by choice. I'm sure most of them wonder why I don't just stop breastfeeding. I want to breastfeed my son for at least a year because I want him to get as much breastmilk as possible. I love him so much and I feel as if I have let him down. A lot of times I feel like my husband doesn't support me either. I know he loves me and I love him but he just can't seem to understand. He wants to go out without the baby or when we are out he wants me to just give the baby a bottle. He doesn't want me to breastfeed in public because he is afraid someone will SAY something. And I don't want to bottle feed in public because I am afraid someone will say something. :(

I have done some more research and found out my doc should have had blood tests done on me to find a reason why my milk supply is low. I am looking for a new doc now and hopefully I can find a reason and maybe fix this. My son deserves better than that formula crap. :(